Kat’s Musings

Tag: chocolate

  • Fasting: A Game Changer for Self-Control and Pleasure

    Fasting: A Game Changer for Self-Control and Pleasure

    I am not exaggerating, and this is not hyperbole: fasting legitimately saved my life.

    I am an all-or-nothing girl. Always have been. That same wired-in extremity that nearly destroyed me with anorexia is the exact thing that is now keeping me thriving. For years I could starve myself into oblivion without blinking. My body knew how to disappear. But here is the twisted part—I love food. Not in a “oh I enjoy a nice salad” way. I am talking deep, carnal, mouth-watering obsession. Decadent, buttery, chocolate-drenched, sprinkle-covered, still-warm-from-the-oven baked goods that make you moan when you bite into them. Yeah, those.

    University was a sad, hollow circus. I was not “enjoying food”—I was scarfing down everything that I would not allow myself to have before. Cabinets stuffed with chips, cookies, chocolate bars, fancy cheeses—anything I could get my hands on—but also chips, ramen and full trays from the dining hall. Whole pizzas and pints of ice cream. It was punishment dressed up as control. I was miserable and secretly dying inside.

    Then I flipped the script.

    Now I eat like a queen on my terms. I worship treats, but I do not let them run my life. I am not some joyless monk. I have boundaries.

    Wooden table with apples, carrots, tomatoes, grapes, berries, bread, herbs, nuts, and honey in a rustic kitchen
    A wooden table in a rustic kitchen filled with fresh fruits, vegetables, bread, and herbs near a window

    I run a brutal but beautiful intermittent fasting schedule. Lunch around 11 a.m.—usually something vibrant, colorful, and actually nutritious, because I am not an idiot. Then one snack somewhere between 2 and 5 p.m. That is it. The rest of the day my body gets to chill, burn fat, repair itself, and stop being a slave to constant digestion.

    Eating out on holiday with my man.

    Weekends are when I let the beast out. Chocolate. Nuts. Freshly baked pastries. I go all out. And because I have kept my weekdays tight, I do not blow up or hate myself on Monday. This is not restriction for restriction’s sake. This is strategy. This is power.

    This way of eating does not look perfect for cohabitation. Living with my man means I am going to have some late dinners. And plenty of steak and potatoes (his favorites). But right now, this is how I learned to enjoy my life without turning into a bloated, anxious mess. I am still dedicated. I am still disciplined. And most importantly—I am still playing.

    I love my body now. I am done punishing it. Done with the war. Fasting showed me I could have both: the thrill of indulgence and the iron grip of self-control. It is the ultimate flex.

    Intermittent Fasting is my daily weapon—the one that actually fits real life. 16:8, 18:6, whatever. You shrink the window of the hours in which you allow yourself to eat, expand your freedom.

    But there is more. The dark arts:

    Water Fasting—just water, sometimes electrolytes, for days. This one takes god-tier discipline. Your body goes full apocalypse mode: autophagy on steroids, inflammation crashing, mental clarity. I have done shorter ones. The first 48 hours can suck your soul out, but then something shifts. You float. You feel dangerous. Powerful. Like you could conquer anything on nothing but spite and sparkling water.

    Fruit Fasting—basically what I did during my high school years. Flooding your system with natural sugars and enzymes from fresh, ripe fruit only. It is a gentler cleanse, great for resetting taste buds and giving your gut a break without going full nuclear. Sweet, juicy, vibrant—feels less like punishment and more like a tropical vacation for your cells.

    Dry Fasting—the final boss. No food, no water. Absolute zero intake. This one is not for beginners or clout-chasers. It is extreme, it is controversial, and it forces your body into survival—pulling water from metabolic processes, accelerating repair like nothing else. I respect the hell out of it, but I approach with caution. Your body has to be ready.

    All of them revolve around the same truth: sometimes the most radical act of self-love is not putting food in your mouth 24/7.

    Fasting did not just fix my body. It rewired my relationship with control, pleasure, and power. I am no longer the girl hoarding snacks. I am the woman who decides when and how she feasts—and when she lets the fire burn clean.

    If you are all-or-nothing like me, maybe this is your answer too. Stop the endless grazing. Stop the guilt-shame spiral. Draw a hard line, protect your window, and then truly enjoy yourself when it is time.

    Your body is not a temple to be constantly decorated with snacks. It is a weapon. Sharpen it.

    I am living proof.

    He loves to take pictures of me indulging!

    Now if you will excuse me… it is Sunday. There is something chocolate calling my name.

  • A Blended Easter: Chocolate, Kulich, and the Joy of Pascha

    A Blended Easter: Chocolate, Kulich, and the Joy of Pascha

    This morning, I celebrated with my love over one of our weekly coffee dates—savoring the sweet decadence of chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs. Now, I am celebrating with my other family—my parents—to continue the festivities diving fully into the spiritual heart of Russian Orthodox Easter.

    In Russia and the Orthodox world, spring’s arrival is marked by Pascha (Пасха), a profoundly moving celebration of Christ’s Resurrection. Far less commercial than Western Easter, Orthodox Pascha is a deeply spiritual observance that unfolds over weeks, centered entirely on the triumph of life over death.

    We no longer attend church services as regularly, but the traditions remain vivid. Pascha falls according to the Julian calendar, often several weeks after Catholic and Protestant Easter—sometimes as much as five weeks later. Its date is calculated as the first Sunday after the first full moon following the spring equinox.

    The journey to Pascha begins with Great Lent: a rigorous 40-day period of fasting, prayer, and introspection. The fast is stricter—no meat, dairy, or eggs for anyone (unless you are ill)—making the eventual Easter feast all the more glorious.

    The peak of the celebration is the Paschal Midnight Service. On Saturday night, churches fill with worshippers holding unlit candles. Just before midnight, the priest leads a solemn procession around the church three times, carrying the icon of the Resurrection. At the stroke of midnight, the church doors swing open, lights flood the space, and the triumphant cry echoes:

    “Христос Воскресе!” (Khristos Voskrese!) — “Christ is Risen!”

    The joyful reply comes back:
    “Воистину Воскресе!” (Voistinu Voskrese!) — “Truly He is Risen!”

    The service overflows with hymns, the Easter Gospel read in multiple languages, and the blessing of food baskets. Many stay until dawn, basking in the victory of light over darkness.

    After weeks of fasting, the Easter table becomes a feast of abundance: Kulich: a tall, cylindrical sweet yeast bread studded with raisins, candied fruit, and nuts, topped with white icing and the letters “XB” (for “Christ is Risen” in Cyrillic). Think: fruit cake…. Baked in special tall tins, it symbolizes the risen Christ. Plus there is paskha: a rich, molded cheese dessert made from tvorog (farmer’s cheese), butter, eggs, and sugar. Shaped into a pyramid representing the Tomb of Christ and decorated with crosses, “XB,” or lambs. Like here, we also have brightly decorated eggs—often dyed deep red to symbolize the blood of Christ—and exchanged as gifts. While Ukrainian pysanky are famously intricate, Russian eggs tend toward simpler, vibrant designs. We also enjoy smoked meats, sausages, and plenty of vodka or wine for toasts (especially in this house!)

    Families traditionally bring their baskets to church for blessing before the grand Sunday feast begins.

    Even though church attendance has varied since the Soviet years when religion was not allowed (your President is supposed to be the almighty one!), Pascha remains one of Russia’s most beloved holidays. In Moscow and St. Petersburg, cathedrals overflow at midnight. Across the Orthodox observers—from New York to Sydney—Russian Orthodox communities celebrate with deep passion and tradition.

    And here I am, beautifully caught between two worlds: enjoying Western chocolate Easter treats in the morning and savoring kulich, paskha, and champagne toasts with family in the evening. It is the perfect fusion of cultures, love, and faith.

    Pascha truly feels like the Russian soul’s awakening—after the long, dark winter and the discipline of Lent comes light, renewal, warmth, and peace. (Read my Spring post here)!

    Христос Воскресе!
    Воистину Воскресе!

    Christ is Risen! Truly He is Risen!