Tag: affirmations

I have been obsessed with manifesting since before it had a cute little hashtag and a million crystal-toting influencers peddling it. Manifesting was not some trendy side hustle for me. It was my religion, my coping mechanism, my secret weapon against a world that kept kicking me. Positive thinking? Law of attraction? I inhaled it. The Secret, Abraham Hicks, that one girl on YouTube who swore visualizing a text from her ex would make him crawl back begging—yeah, I did it all. I had vision boards that looked like a schizophrenic Pinterest board exploded. Affirmations taped to my mirror like some deranged motivational cult leader.

And then I met him. My boyfriend. The guy who walked into my life like a plot twist I did not see coming. From day one, I positioned myself as the enlightened guru. Every time we talked turned into a TED Talk. “Babe, you gotta shift your energy. Stop focusing on what you don’t want and start vibrating on the frequency of what you do.” I would tell him how the universe responds to your dominant thoughts, how negative vibes are just low-frequency bullshit blocking your blessings. I would listen to him soften, this big, skeptical dude nodding along like I just unlocked the cheat code to life.

Little did he know, I was a complete and total fraud.

I was teaching him the gospel of manifestation while my own life was quietly imploding in the background. I did not tell him about the disability. My (lack of) experience with men. My self doubt. Every morning I would wake up, scroll my phone for five seconds, and feel that familiar pit in my stomach—the one that whispered, This isn’t working. You’re not enough. Nothing’s coming. I would paste on the smile, brew my overpriced matcha, and recite my affirmations like a psychopath: “I am worthy. Abundance flows to me effortlessly. My relationship is thriving and secure.” Bullshit. I was drowning in the exact opposite. Anxiety that made my chest feel like it was caving in. Old traumas I thought I had “vibrated away” crawling back up my throat at 1 a.m. And the worst part was the fear that if I admitted any of it out loud—especially to him—the whole fragile house of cards would collapse.

So I did not dare tell him I was struggling.

I kept up the act like my sanity depended on it. Because in my head, admitting the struggle meant I was doing manifesting wrong. I would think, If I just keep teaching him, maybe it will rub off on me. Fake it till you make it, right? I would send him links to podcasts and quotes about “raising your vibration” while I was secretly doom-scrolling Reddit threads titled “Manifestation Isn’t Working For Me—Am I Broken?” I would hype him up when he landed a small win—“See? You shifted your mindset!”—all while my own manifestations felt like they were being held hostage by some cosmic middle finger.

I was the queen of that double life.

Outwardly: serene manifesting queen.

Inwardly: a contradiction with imposter syndrome so loud.

I would catch myself mid-lecture to him—“You have to believe it before you see it”—and feel this sharp little stab of hypocrisy right between the ribs. Because I did not believe it. Not really. I was clinging to it, hoping the sheer force of my performance would trick the universe into delivering.

And yeah, some of it worked. Or at least, that is what I tell myself on the good days. Meeting him felt like a manifestation win on paper. But I was trying to manifest stability into my own chaotic existence while pretending I was already there. I wanted the relationship to feel effortless, wanted the love to feel abundant, wanted to stop feeling like I was one bad mood away from sabotaging everything. So I overcompensated. I became the teacher because admitting I was the student felt too vulnerable, too raw, too human.

Then I read Reality Transurfing last year—and this seemed to work better. Reality Transurfing is a philosophical and practical model for consciously shaping your life, developed by Russian author and quantum physics enthusiast Vadim Zeland in his multi-volume book series (starting with Reality Transurfing Steps I-V).

It blends ideas from quantum mechanics, psychology, esotericism, and practical self-development. The core idea: Reality is not fixed—it is a vast “space of variations” with infinite possible paths (lifelines or sectors), and you can “surf” or slide between them by managing your thoughts, emotions, energy, and intentions rather than forcing outcomes through struggle.

Unlike pure positive-thinking approaches, Transurfing emphasizes detachment, energy management, and avoiding struggle. It is not about forcing positivity 24/7 or ignoring reality—it is about conscious navigation with awareness of balancing forces and collective energies. Many describe it as more grounded and less “woo-woo” than The Secret, with a quantum-inspired framework.

You are not a victim of circumstances—you are a surfer who can choose better waves. It requires practice, self-awareness, and consistency, like any mindset shift.

Thus, it turns out, vulnerability is not the opposite of manifestation—it is the prerequisite. You cannot call in real if you are too busy performing perfection for the universe (and your boyfriend). Now we manifest together, messily. We call out the bullshit days. We hope for the vision boards I create annually. And obviously, I still teach him stuff—but only after I have admitted I am still figuring it out too.

So if you are out there right now, preaching positivity while your insides are screaming? Stop. Drop the act. The universe does not need your flawless performance. It needs your honest, ugly, unfiltered truth.

That was me. Still is, some days. But at least now I am not pretending otherwise.

Manifest that, universe.

Here is how to practice it (Takeaways)

• Reduce importance of desires and problems.
• Detach from pendulums — limit reactive emotions to draining influences.
• Align soul + mind — choose goals that feel light and exciting, not obligatory.
• Use outer intention — visualize the end result, take inspired action, then release and flow.
• Go with the current — do not fight life; navigate opportunities that arise.(Play the hand that you are dealt!)
• Claim your right to a personal miracle: You have the power to choose better lifelines.